im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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