Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
