I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this boner is exhausting
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
