dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
