Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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