...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
