she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
