Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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