you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
