i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
