so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
