Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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