the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
