He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
