Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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