you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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