we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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