The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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