Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
