Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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