he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize