Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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