I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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