he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
