R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
