two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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