let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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