I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
