All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
