I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
