I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
