my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to make out with him forever
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
