He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
