last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
