On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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