dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
