Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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