it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
