thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
