Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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