Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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