This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
