i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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