I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
