At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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