you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ketchup is God's man juice
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
