I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
