I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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