I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
bring money and cleavage
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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