you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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