If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
