listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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