Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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