Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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