this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
