Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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