The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
