I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
