your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
