bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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