I don't usually arrange sex via text message
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
