He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
