just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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